Things I would do if I was an evil overlord....

I saw this somewhere a few weeks ago, and I'm still laughing. It's a bit too long, so I only picked out the best:

-My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
-My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
-Shooting is not too good for my enemies and should be done ASAP.
-The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
-I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
-When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say "No" and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No.
-After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my master plan will be carried out.
-One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
-All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
-The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
-Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
-I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
-I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
-When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
-I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.