thinking about chimps in a London nightclub

This weekend I had to go down to London for a wedding. Of course I was flirting with the idea of giving the whole thing a skip, but in the end I decided against it because I would have been certain to incur her everlasting wrath. Anger is ok. Fury is cool. Wrath on the other hand is a lot worse, so I went.
The whole day was a very surreal event- It started with a rabidly gay-bashing bishop who quoted the bible to ram his point home: women should be submissive to their husbands, while husbands are merely required to love their women. Someone is getting a raw deal there!
Things got a whole lot funnier with an MC who had obviously been a headmaster before he started moonlighting as a master of ceremonies. He completely and utterly ruined the reception for those without a sense of humor. Some of us however were giggling like hyenas on steroids.
But the real purpose of this post was to talk about my night in a Congolese nightclub- a sure rival to the London zoo if only a bit more expensive. The dance floor was dotted with the most bizzare specimens I had seen since my last National Geographic viewing. The king of the night was a guy who came in wearing SKI GOGGLES!!!! I kid you not. And he stood at the side with a smug look on his face staring haughtily around. His cause was not helped by the fact that he was wearing what looked like the bastard child of a threesome between a trenchcoat, sports jacket and raincoat. He was quite a sight. Im no model of fashion excellence as those who know me will be glad to tell you, but I have never seen anything quite like that in my life. His entire being oozed shady. If there was a Republic of Shadyland, he would be its undisputed dictator. As for the girls who were in there, they had put on so much bleach on their skin they looked like they had survived a nuclear attack. And how exactly could you possibly think it is cool to wear a suit with your price tag still on it? Well most of the guys in there thought it was. The night got a lot more surreal when Congolese star Awilo Longomba held an improptu concert in the club and called people forward to compete for his DVD by dancing (if that wouldnt motivate you, I dont know what would!) It was like a competition to see the dodgiest person in the vicinity and my sides were seriously aching after five minutes.
Anyway the day culminated with us wandering London night in the freezing hours before dawn trying to get a bus to the train station and getting lost but it was all worth it. If you had taken a chimpanzee to the nighclub, he would have thought his species had been cheated in the evolutionary stakes. I have to go back there!