Dennis and the good old days

On Wednesday I finally got to see Dennis. Understand that I hadnt seen the guy in about two years (he is also the only guy I know who is skinnier than me) so we had so much to catch up on over a few beers. he is also the possesor of the most famous elbow in Kigali on account of our days playing basketball where his elbow was always all over the place, much to our annoyance. In those days, basketball was our lifeblood. We used to miss lunch to play!
Dennis is quite a character. We went to high school together and he used to make us laugh by calling out to strangers from our bus when we were heading back home. "Hey! How come you are so lost? when are we going to hook up again?" He'd shout to a total stranger and the guy would be stammering some kind of reply before we were off in a cloud of dust laughing our heads off. Sometimes when the bus stopped to pick people up he would actually have elaborate conversations with strangers at the bus stop and most of the time people would actually give him the time of day as opposed to running off in the opposite direction which was an equally valid option. It would go something like this (but of course was a lot funnier in Kinyarwanda)
Dennis: man where have you been all this time? it seems you hate me these days!
stranger: Well...um..its not that!...ive been kind of busy...
Dennis: And how are the guys at home?
stranger: Theyr'e alright...Maria got a baby the other day.
Dennis: Excellent! Man send her my regards. We havent met in so long. Are you still living in the other place?
stranger: yeah, im still there.
Dennis: Call me one of these days and we will hook up...
And trust me by the time we left, the guy had a look on his face that was absolutely priceless.
Dennis also invented another gag which- while juvenile- always made us laugh our heads off. We would be sitting in the chapel and talking about this and that and inevitably we would start talking about girls. After a while, someone would be like "What if this church is bugged and they'll hear everything we just said?" And Dennis stands up and say loudly "My name is jean-baptiste!" and we'd break ribs laughing (well, I WAS fifteen you know)

meanwhile Im leaving for Arusha tomorrow- going to miss Kigali like hell.

Feeding me

My grandmother is determined to feed me until I register on a weighing scale somewhere.
"We have to find a way to fatten up this boy" She said the other day looking at me in the same way you look at those starving people on Television. I squirmed in my seat and mumbled something about how I would eat as much as I could or God help me, I would get a medal trying!
The truth of course is that Im probably the only person who doesnt care.
So anyway my grandma has her less- than subtle ways of getting me to eat. "Dont you want more beans?" She will ask me sternly, but we both know it is not really a question. She is already pushing the beans towards me and all but putting them on my plate. When she pours milk in my glass, she will keep the jug raised in mid-air while I gulp down the milk as fast as I can so she can instantly re-fill it.
But ill tell you one thing- the food is bloody good!

1,000

sometime yesterday, I recevied my 1,000th visit in the seven weeks I've had a counter running on the site. It is nice to know that in this day and age, subjects like stomach parasites, falling down manholes, custard donuts, evil shoe companies and death-defying motorcycle rides are still popular in this world

1,000

sometime yesterday, I recevied my 1,000th visit in the seven weeks I've had a counter running on the site. It is nice to know that in this day and age, subjects like stomach parasites, falling down manholes, custard donuts, evil shoe companies and death-defying motorcycle rides are still popular in this world

bowel movements (you dont have to read this)

First off I am NOT drinking any dodgy local brew! Stop making those snide comments!

So I went to the doctor on Friday. He listened patiently to my symptoms and then vigorously circled 'parasites' on his little doctor sheet. He then sent me off to give a stool sample, but in an undignified moment I failed to provide one (I told you not to read this) so I returned home none the wiser as to what parasites precisely were using my digestive system for a summer camp. I did return a sample the next day, and it turns out I had amoeba as I had suspected. Ok thats sorted then, we can finally achieve some closure (i.e total annihilation of the invaders) Where I got those bastards from is immaterial- I am from the Eric Cantona school of philosophy ("I regret nothing..") so even if a dodgy bar kindly passed them to me, they'll probably still see my black ass again before I leave Kigali. That's because I never learn. Im stupid.
Also I fell in a hole last night while hanging around petit meridien. It was not an ordinary hole- more like big manhole kind of thing. I could very easily have broken a couple of bones. As it turns out, I got away with a limp.
I also had an intense motorbike ride home- the guy taking me was grimly determined to get both of us killed, and Ive never had my life flash before my eyes so many times in a twenty minute spell.
I think Im living on the edge.

You do you dont, you will you won't....

So anyway I woke up yesterday morning with a terrible pain in my stomach. Then before I knew it I was crouched over the toilet throwing up. Had breakfast and then threw up again. It was only on my second trip of performing this uncomfortable activity that I realized my vomit seemed to have a bit of blood in it. Shit, Im thinking This CANNOT be good! So I immediately took some drastic action to remedy the situation: I drank plenty of water and slept all afternoon although I didnt eat anything else all day. Today I ate a piece of bread so gingerly you would think it had been prepared at the Chernobyl Nuclear plant. Thankfully I didnt throw up, so fingers crossed the problem is solved. My mother was teasing me about whether this was merely an advanced hangover, but I had only had two beers the night before about three hours apart. Infact, for a guy who goes out drinking fairly often I am a wannabe drunk- I must have got drunk only about three times since I came to Kigali.
Random highlights of my time here so far:
-Getting into an 'accident' while on my way to KBC with a few other people. The driver- who was surely drunk- slammed into the kerb when we approached KBC, ignored the security guards who tried to stop him and then sped on stopping about five minutes from our destination while everyone in the car jst got out in shock. The guy hopped out, looked at his tyre (which I assume was pretty fucked) then said 'goodnight' and drove off leaving us still shell-shocked although a bit amused. And we didnt have to even pay him so at the end of the day it was a free ride. There was something about that incident that captured the comic absurdities of Kigali.
-Being taken for dinner at intercontinental and then drinks at Mille Collines (approximate bill: about 15,000 francs) by a guy I barely know but who knew my friends cousin (and there was about six of us and he paid for everything). However he knew his film and we had a long, interesing discussion together with Adam. For at least one night, I lived the high life in Kigali, make no mistake.
-The night I found myself in Gikondo watching acrobats and miming musicians. Even while sober, it was completely surreal.
-Arguing about the law of provocation with Sunny whilst under the influence at a party.

ALSO:
-Not having a radio to listen to my CD's is a bit depressing.
-Hey Jojo, if you are reading this- Thanks for your help.
-Tesi: I am so envious about the Coldplay concert. Be ready to give me all the details when I catch you on messenger.

The sea song

-SO things are STILL pretty hectic and I cant really hope for sobriety until my partner-in-crime Adam leaves this Sunday (drunken song- 'the scientist'). The other day we were out with Sunny and his sister and we spent most of the night arguing about the literary merits of Harry Potter. It was everyone against Sunny but since Sunny was the only one who was drunk at that time, it made things even tougher for him. He doesnt really like to lose an argument, the Old Bachelor.
-Also the girlfriend situation is not all roses. I gave the standard party line when I posted about it but in truth there is a lot of tough shit going down. We are at one of those 'should we really go on?' stages. Things were not helped when she accidentaly sent an email about our problems to everyone in her address book including me in what was surely a spectacular 'blonde' moment. Anyway, dialogue is going fairly well right now so although things could go either way (i.e either singledom or 'I-still-want-you-dom') I have a sneaking suspicion we might work things out- she claims its just a 'phase'. It is quite ironic we got along better when we were apart than when we finally got together in Kampala. Thanks to Christa (I assume thats the last scrabble game we'll play? hehe) and Raymond for their support.
-Title: ("Crushing dreams...leave me in peace..let me be')
-Football season is here (crazy dance, crazy dance)
-Am I the only one who has 'Break me gently' playing in my head most of the time?
-Im about to break 900 hits in under two months. There are a lot of people who come here but haven't introduced themselves!

gahunda

Days have been going by in a blur. bars, plenty of drinking mainly with Adam, long-winded discussions and getting home at ungodly hours, eating dinner all by myself in the dark more often than not a bit intoxicated. A few days ago when I dropped Adam off he turned and said "I actually hope I dont see you tomorrow!" but the fool calls me up the next day asking for plot and we end up drinking again. In Kigali there is never a plan the day before and you find yourself in weird places within ten minutes of notice. It's hard to give an idea of just how crazy things have been but I've had a very hectic and often surreal week and a half so far.
Kigali: Bloody hell the city is sparkling! It looks like something out of a commercial now.
I actually met a Philip.K.Dick fan in Kigali.
Have you ever had a moral dilemma when you are buying a pair of shoes? I bought nikes the other day but I had a very sour taste in my mouth thinking of how Im helping to fund an evil corporation that thinks nothing of having sweatshops in poor countries so they can get cheap labour. A corporation that says 'wer'e just a shoe company' but knows very well that they people making their shoes are being paid peanuts and work in atrocious conditions with no overtime pay and barely any rights of any kind. But as Naomi Klein said in 'No logo' Nike are not the only ones. All the other major shoe companies- Adidas, Reebok- also employ sweatshop labour. You cant actually buy shoes with an ethical mindset. Still I hate Nike and everything they stand for. I think Im going to get rid of these shoes as soon as I can.
("Are you such a dreamer...to put the world to rights")