A night out

Club-its really not so bad after all.
And as always it was a very strange night. I got in alone after my brother wasn't allowed in due to absence of any ID on his person, and if they are going to let someone in without ID, a big black guy like my brother is unfortunately not the ideal candidate.
Inside, most of my friends were wearing funny costumes. Geoff was a power ranger complete with pink headband and armbands and a pink-black tracksuit. His reputation, I can only assume is still in a coma. Meanwhile Luke was Batman but not wearing the full costume- instead his batman shirt reached just above his navel and he was wearing some strange looking shorts. I dont think batman wore shorts-he'd look pretty stupid fighting crime in shorts- but if he did, they would probably have looked like Luke's. There was also a cowboy and a Spiderman with fake biceps. One of them- I forget who because I was quite drunk- had his shorts pulled down while he was oredering drinks, but he carried on waiting for his beer as if nothing had happened. When he got it, he calmly reached down and pulled them up-more than a minute later- as if having his ass hanging out at a club was something that happened to him everyday and he was going to sort it out only in his own time and at his own pace.
And all the usual club things happen- finding myself talking either to complete strangers or people who I usually wouldn't talk to because our relationship doesn't extend beyond 'hi'. I had a ten minute conversation about Hunter.S.Thompson with a guy I'd never talked to before but who I'd seen in my law class and who recognized me.
And I was drunk. I think I first realized this when I found myself dancing very enthusiastically to techno music. If that's not a sign, I dont know what is. I shared a bottle of white lightning with my brother and then had a few more pints when I was in there. People still cant believe I drink white lightning, and everytime I mention it I get the kind of question I've been asked many times- Minega, dont you care about your reputation? The answer is in another post.
All in all a great night out.

Where I end and you begin (continued)

"That's what I wanted to say earlier- Blind Willie Mctell"
"Well you know"
"No- I'm saying I think I know but you probably do know. I might be able to explain it"
"How would you know?"
"This is making me dizzy!"
"Alright, but you can't really explain it. You can only sort of experience it"
There There
"That's what I thought."
"But yes- Blind Willie Mctell."
"Are you wondering what it means?"
"It's all subjective isn't it?"
"Well yes, but think about it- if we thought of it in exactly the same way...that would be freaky"
"Is there..."
"Oh sure, Of course..."
"......"
"What were you saying?"
"I said we should get out of here...before all hell breaks loose"
"mmmmmm"
"You haven't just tricked me have you?"
"I wouldn't do that! Unless I really had to of course!"
Nods "Yeah, that makes sense. Not a weird kind of sense, but proper sense"
"Yes, I know it does"
"After you..."

Are women evil? and other questions

"Women" My friend says "Are evil"
Those were not his exact words, but over the course of a ten minute rant, this was pretty much what he meant.
"Well..yeah they kind of are" these were also not my exact words, but my vague answer really boiled down to this mainly because I was on my way to the loo and if women had to be evil for me to get to the loo, then they were evil.
Rants- how do we ever get anything done with them? My friend's rant was something along the lines of I-thought-I-could-trust-her-but-she-stabbed-me-in-the-back kind of thing and something about her telling all her friends his secrets and all that. I nod sympathetically.

"Women" Adam says to me "Are evil"
Those were not his exact words, but this was pretty much what he meant when he met me at the hall bar where I was watching the slave auction. This whole women-are-evil theme seems to be spreading everywhere around me and it gets a bit tiring. Do you mean in an 'Omen' kind of way? Because that shit was freaky- thats the real evil. Women breaking your heart is more or less burned toast in that context. It's bad, but the day goes on and the world doesn't stop for you.
"I've been reading Nietzche" Adam continues "And now it all makes sense to me" and then he goes on about how Nietzche's analysis of the way all our values are artificial and can never be objective. Am I really discussing Nietzche in a bar with a slave auction going on a few meters away from me? And who goes around reading Nietzche after a breakup?
Adam has now realized that writing that email to Quena was probably the wrong thing to do. It was fairly nasty and he even compared her to Lucifer in the email that has now become legendary in the hall (although its funny that 'Lucifer' sounds a lot less threatening than 'Satan' or 'The devil') As far as breakups go, things couldnt have gone any worse and I'm counting the kind of break-ups you see in soap operas where you have dangerous combinations like breakup+woman with gun. I went to talk to him afterwads, and he said it was a weight off his chest and he was happy he had said all those things about her. However on the day we wound up talking in the bar, he seemed a lot less sure of himself and the next day he sent an email kind of apologizing for his outburst. Quena ignored him.
"There'll be no talking about Adam" She tells me "I've removed him from my reality- he doesn't exist to me any more" and then to hammer her point home, she sticks her fingers in her ears and starts saying 'nananana'.
There's karaoke going on as we talk. Vid is getting ready to sing and I'm thinking of getting another beer.
I have bigger fish to fry.

the sound of one hand clapping

So my sisters think I'm in love because I posted an admittedly confusing post on this blog a few days ago. It's funny that any mysterious behaviour means there is a girl involved. I've fallen in that trap myself. When Rich was down and wasn't talking, I naturally assumed that there was a girl somewhere in the picture and he had been dumped or something. I would have thought the same thing if he was too happy. Surely a man is more than just the sum of his infatuations? Don't answer that.
And speaking of men and their infatuations- another political scandal. Mark Oaten in 'three in a bed rent-boy scandal'. To be honest I'm afraid to get the full story. Did he fall in love with the rentboy or did they just go for it? And who was the third person in the bed? See, the story is funnier if you dont have the full details. And why do they call them rentboys? It sounds almost posh as opposed to male-prostitute. Why do politicians do such stupid things when they are running for leadership of their own party? Look at Charles 'I dont have an alcoholic problem, honest' Kennedy for example.
Just started 'Tristram Shandy' supposedly one of the nuttiest books ever written and was more or less the first post-modern novel if you dont count 'Don Quixote'. I like books that mess with my head and I just came off a Terry Pratchett who is kind of like Tolkien on drugs. God there is so much stuff to read and so little time and SO MUCH FUCKING WORK which is why I am thankful for insomnia. Oh, insomnia you have never let me down. You've always been there for me and cheered me up. One day we'll go have a beer.

Being the chapter where the hero of the tale is on a quest for all that is good and noble but finds himself faced with unseseen enemies

Adam and I are in his room fooling around with his electric guitar. It's plugged into his speakers so it is fairly loud. There is a knock on the door and his neighbour comes in.
"Could you turn it down?" He asks "It's pretty loud"
Adam says "Like this?" and very lightly touches the volume knob. It is obvious to everyone in the room that he hasnt reduced it at all.
"Well...just low enough so I dont have to hear it" the guy says and then leaves.
"Cunt" Adam says as soon as the guy turns his back.
"What?"
"He's a cunt, I dont like him" Adam says and then turns up the volume and begins to play the guitar so loud that it nearly tosses me through the window.
Oh poor inhabitants of new court- there are better places to have your formative growing years than this chaotic part of Wantage.
"Adam I really think we should turn it down" I told him. He did after a while but only after playing a few more guitar riffs and something tells me he has made a few enemies since joining uni. He eventually settled down and we watched a mindless action film.
The war between Adam and Quena is back on. They had made up a few days ago and even had a friendly wrestling session in the computer room while I was trying to write an essay. Now theyr'e sniping at each other again and both are certainly to blame in their own way- I dont think I have ever seen two people being so mean to each other in my life. Also some very disturbing things have been said. Trying to talk sense into either of them and telling them that breaking up doesnt mean you have to be enemies just doesn't work. Now theyr'e just dissing each other as often as they can. It's going to get worse before it gets better. Today at lunch, Adam called her a "fucking evil bitch".
"It's amusing to see two adults acting like children" is how Rich summed it up, and he's right.
-Liverpool vs Man U- what a dire, dire game. That's ninety minutes of my life I'll never get back.
-Lonnie Liston Smith + flights of the imagination: Steady now.
Quote of the week: "An average striker could lose Silvestre in a phone box"

It just is.

Where I end and you begin

X will mark the place.
A shift in position and I can hear it loud and clear. "Do you understand this?" "ish- kind of" Lots of head scratching. Suggest robots and make reference to 'Futurama'. "Robots-I like that". Writes. Christ its one hell of a mighty gap we have here- am I thinking clearly? That's another stupid question. I'm not even talking at this point. Minutes later, cheeky jokes flying around and I'm laughing quite hard.
Asks a question- reverse the 'adult with limited mental capacity' theory? A few sniggers. "I understand what you mean" Good- some support. Quick thinking. "Stop laughing- It's just a question! I'm not saying anything!" I figure at this moment in time it's such a collision of different worlds that it's almost amusing.

There's always a siren singing you to shipwreck.

The world almost seems to be getting smaller in times like this. I thought I had forgotten, but obviously not completely enough. Stranger things have happened, but still, the complications are staggering. Besides I dont know much about what I'm considering at this moment in time.
And I promised- A few months at least. Surely that can be done? Your'e not going to be clear-headed with this jumping out at you. Dont forget track 6- a very simple rule of thumb.
Still- hope springs eternal. In an absurd world, your'e always a step away from what looks like a total impossibility.

A typical day...

Monday-6/1/2006
11.00: Alarm goes off. I swtich it off and lie in bed staring at the ceiling. Am I going to have the energy to get up for my midday lecture? This is the danger of sleeping at 4.am every night.
11.30: Finally stagger out of bed. I'm not even sure exactly where this lecture is going to take place. Put Stereophonics in the discman and set off.
12.00: International law- lecturer isnt here yet. I go somewhere near the back and sit by myself. He walks in a few minutes late and I wonder again if he heard my friend slag him all those weeks ago with me as an accomplice. There's not too many other skinny black guys in this class.
1.10: Arrive breathless back in the hall for lunch. Moviestar and You stole my money, honey accompany me on my way back. Have lunch with the usual bunch of misfits.
2.00: Back on campus for criminology. Sit with Geoff who as usual is full of funny stories and still hasn't broken up with his girlfriend. The lecturer is talking about the Prison system. He makes a few accidental puns- saying sex offenders in the prisoners hierarchy 'come at the bottom' (and apologises when the class starts giggling) and then noting that some prisoners 'Get an easy ride in prison'. Yikes. The governor of Reading prison is supposed to come and visit soon. I joked to Geoff that I'm not showing my face there as he might think I've escaped from his jail.
3.00: Go to the library with Geoff digging up the readings for my jurisprudence seminar tomorrow. it's a fairly convoluted topic and it takes a while to wrap my mind around it.
4.00: Foundation of EU tutorial. There's quite a few people I'm absolutely sure I have never seen before. Are they all second year students? I'm suprised to discover that I've actually researched the topics quite well. The teacher giggles a lot and he also seems to lose his train of thought occasionally. Infact, if I didnt know any better, I would think he was shy.
5.00: Back to the library and Geoff is still there slaving over constitutional law. i realize that the textbooks I borrowed earlier have fuck-all to do with my seminar tomorrow. Plenty of rolling eyes and cursing under my breath.
6.20: Dinner- again with the usual bunch of misfits. It's good to see Rich talking again- Everyone assumed he was depressed for the first week as he virtually locked himself up in his room and talked only when he needed to. Quena is still furious with Adam. I thought their break-up would be a bit less chaotic than that, but its turned very very ugly. Adam is sitting on another table with Vid so Quena is calling Vid a traitor and shouting at Adam to get his own friends. This is all happening in the dining hall! Everything he does seems to irritate her and it's a bit amusing. The previous night while we were watching '50 first dates' (with Vid making cynical noises in the background after every five minutes only making the film funnier) Adam was talking to Rich on the other side of the room and Quena goes "Oh, just die Adam!". I swear I felt the air being sucked out of the room. This is proper break-up drama.
7.00: Back to the library to do my seminar readings. I'm feeling very productive today.
9.00: Get back to the hall with the paper. Watch an interesting program called 'balderdash and piffle' on the origin of certain English words.
10.00: Last in the series of The thick of it I'm really sorry to see it go.
11.35: Watch a Jim Carrey film man on the moon about the weird comedian Andy Kaufman who was, shall we say, a few bricks short of a building project. Make myself some tea and have myself a little snack with fairy cakes and biscuits. This is always a part of my day I look forward to which shows just how much of a life I have.
1.35: Computer room- do some more research, bang out an article for the paper.
2.30: Snuggle up in bed and read the newspaper with jazz on the radio.
3.30: Close my eyes and wait for the sandman to come and get me.

midgets: a short history

Recently there was a story about an African lion fighting a group of midgets in Cambodia. The match was arranged- and this is a true story- by the Cambodian midget league and some guy who made a bet that a lion could take on and defeat all 42 members of this midget league (apparently their charter states they will "fight anything- man, machine or beast") so this bad-ass lion was imported from Africa and they organised the match. The lion won and killed almost thirty of the midgets.
Thoughts:
-There is a Cambodian midget league?? What the fuck?
-Why are midgets fighting a lion? What on earth is going on in this world?
But midgets have always had a strange history. In the days of ancient Rome they were a part of the entertainment in a way you wouldn't expect. It's a myth that gladiators fought lions one-on-one, but they did have different animals fighting each other and the half-time entertainment was usually a few public executions to get the crowd in the mood. Anyway in the evening when all that had died down, female gladiators were then picked to fight a midget by torchlight. This is absolutely true. It did get me thinking a few things like: FEMALE GLADIATORS?? Did the emperor find midget vs female gladiator as some kind of twisted joke that people would chuckle about many centuries later and hail him for his comic genius? And why didn't they fight in the daytime? It also makes you realize that half-time entertainment has really come a long way. We have cheerleaders now.

Africa- how I miss you...

Prove yourself (part 2)

10/1/2006.
Leo: Oh by the way I run into Amy, and she asked for my MSN address!
Me: Thats great man! It was about time.
Quena: Oh, was that the girl you liked last term? Dude, you've been chasing her for ages.
Leo:She says she might come over soon so we might watch a movie or something.
Me:But that means we won't need to use the guitars! I was looking forward to that.
Quena: Do you want us to help? We could spread rumours that you are good in bed and that girls cant resist you.
Leo: Erm...
Me: Great idea! Let everyone know you are some kind of sex god. That won't do your chances any harm.
Quena: And we can arrange for a couple of girls to walk in every few minutes when she's in your room. And flirt with you...
Leo:Guys, I'm not sure this is going to be any help. I dont want girls walking in and pretending to flirt with me when I'm with this girl. And how exactly is this supposed to work- I walk out for a few seconds and then you just happen to start singing my praises? yeah, I bet she'll swallow that. That's pretty likely.
Quena: And we can give you a couple of jokes to tell.
Leo: What- are you saying I'm not funny? I am funny! I can tell jokes!
Me:That's not the issue here. We'll draw up a few things for you to say and you can practise so they sound like your'e just throwing them out without thinking.
Quena:Yeah, just trust us. Do you trust us Leo?
Quena:I hope you haven't done something like write her a poem.
Me:I was just about to make a joke about that!
Leo: Well I...I haven't given it to her yet... I've got it...
Quena: Oh God, you actually did! Dude, thats so cheesy! If a guy gave me a poem I'd laugh my head off.
Me: Well, I was going to make a joke about it but it's not a bad idea. You've got to be sure she likes you or it could be very awkward.
Leo: I'd better be going people.
Quena: Nathan! Nathan! Over here! Come sit over here, dammn you...

Prove yourself

Sometimes I ask myself questions like: why am I constantly blogging?
But more on that later. Today was the first day of the term and I had five gruelling hours of lectures including a double seminar at the end of the day that felt like it lasted four hours. It felt really strange to wake up at 10am when I had been so accustomed to staggering out of bed at midday. I'm going to have to learn to sleep before 3.am if I'm going to make all my morning lectures. Last night I was up till 4.am listening to jazz and I was thinking that jazz is probably the only genre where you would struggle to find bad music- at least for stuff released from the 50's to the 80's since I dont listen to modern jazz (for me, jazz and poetry don't exist after 1980) You could actually walk into a store, pick a jazz CD at random and wouldnt be disappointed but you couldnt do that for rock or hip-hop or pop seventy percent of which is shit. Miles Davis just takes you places that few other musicians can.
But I digress. I only recently discovered something that has made my life a much happier and amusing place: personal ads in the newspaper. The 'Sunday times' has a full page-in tiny print- of something like a hundred ads by some very lonely people and its really quite funny. I can't believe I hadnt discovered these pleasures earlier. The ones I really dont understand are the ads saying FRIENDS WANTED and then saying something like 'we'll go fishing and have some tea' and talk. Surely you need a life if you are advertising for friends in the newspaper? There's something seriously wrong there. Meanwhile those looking for love are just as hilarious. I'm still not finished reading the one I've got, but I'm rationing it so I can spread out the laughs. Life is such that you can find laughs in the unlikeliest places. Of course some of these people are truly desperate for love so I shouldn't be mocking them. But I've mocked them already so it's too late.
The first time I gave this any thought was when I watched a hilarious stand-up comedian called Jimmy Carr on TV one night. He was talking about placing cheeky ads in the newpaper and actually getting them published. Stuff like 'WANTED: MINORITY TO SPOIL IT FOR THE REST OF US' or 'GULLIBLE STUNNER WANTED'. In the section I've got, there's an ad that actually says 'GOLD DIGGER WANTED..' and I suspect Jimmy Carr has struck again. You get such strange ads like 'WANTED: MAN AND HIS DOG TO WALK AROUND LONDON WITH ME' and I'm thinking 'huh?'. 99 percent of those ads are completely serious which makes them even funnier.
But anyway back to what I started off with: Why am I blogging? I find myself compelled to blog about just about everything that is going on in my life. Why exactly is this so? I'm not sure. maybe it's theurapetic. I'm not saying I need therapy (and I'm not saying I dont) but I guess blogging makes sure it doesn't come to that. Plus I can look back on this five years down the line and it will be like a photo album but...er...with words instead. And also because I enjoy writing I guess. Plus writing out these things helps me organise my life and get into gear when I need to. Sometimes I need to write out my thoughts to fully express them so that I can figure it out. And why am I blogging about why I'm blogging?

The new pope was delighted with how succesfully Christianity had been embraced by the rest of the animal kingdom

Team Jolie and tales from Mongolia

Like every right-thinking person in the world, I have to discuss the topic that dominates our world today and has everyone talking from China to Colombia and has divided mankind as never before:
Im talking of course about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.
I once swore I would never talk about this because I think the whole thing is just incredibly stupid and it gets too much press. However I was watching a very trashy TV program about celebrity scandals of 2005 and there was an intense discussion about who sided with who. Were you on Jolie's side or Aniston's side? The man-snatcher or the innocent wife? There are 'team Jolie' and 'team Aniston' shirts out there so you can lend your support. Whose side you are on is supposedly so important that many marriages have been destroyed because the husband was on 'team Jolie' while the wife was on 'team Aniston'.
And I'll tell you whose side I'm on: Brad Pitt. If I had to choose between Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston, it would take me less than a millisecond to make that decision. Does that sound a bit harsh? Well go and read 'cosmo' magazine then! Angelina Jolie is possibly the most good-looking woman on earth and also ridiculously cool plus she's weird in a way women are not normally known to be. This isnt about being faithful or morals or whatever- this is something that overrides all that. Therefore by extension I'm on 'Team Jolie' for no other reason other than this is Angelina Jolie. No need to start taking drastic measures like applying logic to the situation. That's just unnecessary- logic doesnt always work and you'll discover that if you think about it logically (which you shouldnt be doing since I just said its illogical to think of this logically). Do I feel sorry for Jennifer Aniston? Now that's a topic for another stupid post. God knows it's not her fault: she's just guilty of not being Angelina Jolie. Infact, I think Angelina Jolie even invented the airplane and penicillin. There was a guy on the programme who said "I'm gay, but I would give Angelina Jolie one". That says it all. Did I write half of a post on this stupid affair? My God I'm really losing it.
Charming folk-tale from Mongolia dating back to the days of Genghis Khan: There was a plague in the land and people were dying all over the place. This young boy falls seriously ill, but before he dies, his spirit leaves his body and soars to heaven. God (whoever their God was) is a little suprised by this 'You are not dead yet' he tells the kid 'what are you doing here?' and the boy's spirit said 'I decided not to wait for you to call so I just came over' so God is really touched and takes him somewhere to show him all the wealth and knowledge in the world.
'You can have anything you want to take back with you' he tells the kid 'Anything your heart desires'
The boy thinks about it and makes his decision 'I want the power of storytelling' he says 'because I know it will bring true happiness to my people'
God is really happy so he gives the wise litle boy's spirit the gift of storytelling and his spirit goes back to his body. However on waking up, the boy discovers that some over-eager crows have pecked his eyes out so he is now blind. he gets up and wanders the land, blind, but telling stories. I think that story is really sweet.

How to make enemies and not influence people

2006:
Once upon a time I used to make new year resolutions. They were usually crap and I often forgot about them within a few weeks, but I made them just the same.
But recently- i.e the last three or so years- I've been wondering: whats the point? The rebel in me thinks that making new year resolutions is not only a waste of time, but I won't stick to them anyway. More to the point, why not make a new year resolution in the middle of the year, say around June? Then you will have half a year to fulfill it anyway. The funny thing is that I am, in fact, making new year resolutions although this is happening in my subconscious and so I dont know all the full details yet. I dont get told everything you know.
Shameless is finally back on TV. One of my few TV addictions, it's one of the shows I'm fond of the most and I look forward to trying to figure out just what the hell Frank Gallagher is saying. Honestly for an entire series he wasn's sober for even half an episode and not even his family could figure out what he was talking about most of the time. I like Frank. I think he's misunderstood.
Also: The thick of it finally came to BBC one last night and it was as great as it's been made out to be. Political satire is hard to do seeing as real politics is often a satire of itself, but they did it very well. Peter Capaldi was supposed to be Alistair Campbell but he was a lot nastier than Tony Blair's former spin doctor and he was so chilling to watch. Last night Chris Langham's character thought he had received permission from the Prime Minister to announce a new policy proposal about the treasury cracking down on fraudsters but as he is dashing off to announce a press conference telling this to the press, Capaldi calls him up and tells him not to do it because the PM said 'should' and we all know what that means in politics. So he'e heading for this press conference and has to think of a good reason for calling these people now that he can't tell them what they came here for. He's also leaked the story to the media beforehand so he has to call up his contacts and tell them the story is not true. His aide gets the brilliant idea of basically holding a press conference of nothing where he scolds the press for not reporting the good news they've been doing but the Press doesnt even report that ("You had a press conference so boring that the Press didnt even mention it" someone on his staff says in awe)but then theres another twist-Capaldi's character says it seems the PM did want the proposal to be released to the world after all so he has to reverse his position yet again and tell the media it's on. But I called a press conference and didnt even mention it Langham tells him. Well, just pretend you did Capaldi replies and his eventual argument which was very complicated had such an absurd logic that you knew it would work. He's basically got to pretend that he announced the creation of a new government initiative and the press didn't notice it and according to Capaldi's argument, the press will have to pretend they heard it as well because its in their best interests. The first episode kind of left us hanging, but it was brilliant.
I read something recently by an American scientist who was talking about the constant bombardment our mind faces due to the modern lifestyle-email, TV, cellphones...etc. His idea was a very simple one: for optimal brain performance, one should periodically take out a twenty-four hour period of solitude which would mean no verbal or written communication with any other human being and just basically turn yourself into a monk periodically. Sleeping doesnt count. Imagine he says twenty-four hours of uninterrupted thinking. When was the last time you got that?