Fran Healy- lead singer of Travis- in Sudan for the Band aid project. I just think thats a very touching picture.

150 faves: part 7

Part 7 of my 150 all-time favorite songs a post that no one but myself really cares about. No I am NOT repeating any songs.

1. Calling all angels: Train
2.Waiting in Vain: Bob Marley
3 Kiss from a rose: Seal
4. Barely breathing: Duncan Sheikh
5. Wonder if heaven's got a ghetto: Tupac Shakur
5. Dammn I wish I was your lover: Sophie.B.Hawkins
7. Wrong impression: Natalie Imbruglia
8. Hey Jude: Beatles
9.Stranger in Moscow: Michael Jackson
10. Lying in the sun: Stereophonics
11. Mad world: Gary Jules
12.Roll to me: Del Amitri
13. In the end: Linkin Park
14.The sweetest thing: U2
15.Family potrait: Pink

Accents

A few weeks after I had first come to England last year, I called my friends back home and inevitably one of the first things they wanted to know is how am I handling the 'accent problem'? Am I going to modify my African accent to blend in? The answer of course is hell no! Im immensely proud of my accent and if no one understands me, Ill just speak in a louder tone until it settles in.
Of course it has not been easy. People understand me by and large, but now and again I run into the blank stare that says 'I can tell that you are speaking English but for the life of me, I dont know what you are talking about and its too late to nod and pretend'. Sometimes its worse and someone hears something totally different- once at the bar while I was talking to two people, I ended a sentence with 'thats a fact' and got a sudden shocked stare from one of my companions. "Did you just say you farted?" She asked-and seriously. Fucking hell. Cue shouting over the music to clear the air. Lots of little stories like that, but dammnit im African and I speak English. I dont want your bloody accent because I have mine and I like it. Get with the program because I aint changing!
And weirdly enough, its easier for the English to understand me than to understand the Scots whose accent is so incredibly thick that you can hardly ever make out what they are saying. Fair play to them though- let them do their thing.

The 'Thank you' post.

Thanks to all the people who logged in to say happy birthday- Tesi, Laura, Kitten and Gama. Thanks also to those who sent me e-cards- Vini, Muna and Christine. How Raymond and Ezra are going to explain themselves I know not!
And thanks to Mimi for calling me last night. That was a lovely suprise.
With the birthday euphoria now wearing off, blogging will resume as normal.

December 28th....

Is my birthday. That means that as I type this, I am two hours into being 22 years old. Do I feel older yet? Well no, but give me a few more minutes. No concrete plans for today- my days of birthday cakes and all that are long gone. As a man grows older, he prefers to spend his birthday brooding about his life and what lies ahead of him and...is that a beer?
Anyway happy birthday to me! And no im not going to put on any weight this year-im skinny people stop trying to fatten me up! This is my destiny!

"I, for one, welcome our new alien overlords"*

Incase you people have been too caught up in the Christmas spirit to read the news, there is an asteroid heading our way. According to the Torino Scale (which is basically an asteroid-detector thingy and also makes good coffee), it has a one-in-37 chance of hitting earth by 2029 or else it will just fuck off somewhere else. Nobody has interviewed the asteroid about its intentions though and its publicist could not be reached for comment.
However assuming it does actually show up for its appointment 24 years from now, several things come to mind. Like should you continue saving for your retirement? And has anybody notified Bruce Willis?
However one thing that does come readily to mind in these tricky times and which sums up the entire situation very well is "SHIT!"
*kudos for identifying said quote*

And there it goes...did you see it? F**g flew by!

Well suprise- the hall decided NOT to close the room after all so I can still surf while they are away.
Christmas just flew by didnt it? Dammn right. We went to my brothers place, had a very heavy meal and watched TV for the rest of the day. Went out on Christmas eve with a friend to a bar called the Walkabout which is Australian-themed and therefore rocks. Great atmosphere. Lot of drinking and random conversations with total strangers. The kind of things that only happen in a nightclub- did I have a big neon sign that said im looking for a friend? If so that was a prank. But it was fun anyway.
Hope you guys had a great Christmas and lets get this shit over with so we can usher in a brand new year. Why doesnt a new year ever approach you in a friendly manner ? Have you noticed that it just comes out of the blue and bangs you over the head with the subtlety of a rapist? Same thing this year. I didnt see this coming and now WHAM! Well, maybe its just me...
Theres one and a half hours of soccer coming up soon -highlights of todays premier league games. In other words, soccer porn. Thank you BBC- you've always been there for me even though I dont pay the license fee (its the principle!) !

Open thread

Not inspired enough to post at the moment, but seeing as Im actually typing these words, a blogpost is miraculously forming before my eyes. Now if I just keep going like this for the next few seconds I might actualy find Ive posted something coherent, but if not I'll have made a serious fool of myself.
Anyway-open thread. Say what you want in the comments section.

Seasonal greetings

I wont be blogging for the next five days or so as the hall staff is taking off and closing the computer room to make sure we the Africans dont make off with their computers while they are gone. So anyway even if Im not the most festive person around, Merry Christmas to everyone whos been stopping by and leaving comments and have a socks-ripping, fart-inducing,headache-causing, belly-warming Christmas.
PS: Raymond is flying back to Africa tomorrow- Im so jealous!

Here is what I dont understand...

Scientists who dabble in meaningless studies and there is STILL NO CURE FOR CANCER! For example, a few months ago there was a study about what constituted the perfect female form and those bastards came up with a formula discovering that Kylie Minogue's body was the epitome having taken the time to compare her statistics to their formula. Hell, any guy could have told you that and saved you a lot of money! Everyday the papers are full of these kinds of useless studies (there was one about the best chat-up lines seen from a scientific point of view.) How about actually doing something useful? Let the rest of us deal with the real world so you don't have to!

Some things to chew on...

Is Bjork an alien and if so why is she makingg such a poor effort at hiding it?
Does the cinema near me think they are being funny by not screening 'Garden state'?
Is Ben Affleck's agent illiterate/evil or both?
Did anyone ever think we would see the day when Jamie Foxx would be a serious contender for the Oscar? And for two films at that.
Should all Christmas songs done by Paul Mccartney and Cliff Richards be banned for the rest of mankind's existence?
Is Paris Hilton the anti-Christ?

A rant (parental Guidance- bad language)

Message to all those fuckwits in Iraq who think that blowing themselves up and killing innocent women and Children is doing Allah's deeds: Rot in hell you sick bastards. We all take great satisfaction in seeing pieces of your body being scraped off the pavement and we celebrate because you can no longer infect the gene pool of this world. I spit on your graves you slimy detestable sub-human scum.

To the 'Bling bling' one in the family...

Today is Manzi's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO! I guess now you can tell people you are actually fifteen without having your pants on fire you liar! Or are you now going to start saying you are sixteen? Beware! Plenty of people (well, me) are willing to 'sell' you. Only lie if you know you won't get caught- lesson of the day at no free charge. And yes I will get you that Fabolous CD although I will have to handle it with gloves and strong disinfectant and store it in a cool dry place away from all my other listening material. Some more wise advice Manzi: Please choose a sign-in name that has less than 30 words. It would do us a world of good. Do you know how hard it is to chat with you on MSN when your messenger name is half of an entire rap song? For fuck's sake be a bit more considerate! When all is said and done though, Happy birthday and hope you have a great time in Kigali. You've been a fantastic little brother and the fact that we have never even had a fight is a testament to the fact that...er, shit ive forgotten my point there but you know what I mean. Much love bro.

You asked for it ( well actually you didnt)

And carrying out my threat to copy Tesi's last post-I hereby present a collection of random and utterly useless facts about me in no particular order.
PS: This is long so go make some coffee and bring a blanket along. Alternatively do something more constructive with your life, but its probably too late to back out now anyway....

-I talk to myself a lot.
-I still bite my nails now and again
-Im madly in love with Mimi.
-I dont like cutting my hair.
-Im not an assertive person because, like seriously why bother?
-I think shopping is stupid and consequently still have the clothes I wore when Clinton was being sworn in for his first term in office.
-I can never stop singing along to 'Mysterious ways' (U2)
-I make it a point not to fart in public.
-I could watch 'The Animal planet' all day.
-I have trouble getting out of the shower
-I dont mind having fairly serious insomnia because its amazing how much reading you can do in the middle of the night.
-I like poetry especially William Wordsworth
-Im aloof and snobby but come off as shy
-I get loud-but more articulate- when Im drunk.
-Im not afraid of rats or mice at all but cockroaches terrify me.
-Im good with electronics but still only mediocre in the kitchen.
-Im never bored when Im on my own and never have been.
-Im a big fan of The 'Pink Panther' cartoon and plan to won every single episode one day.
-Im an obsessive CD collector.
-I think British humor rocks in no uncertain terms. If you are a fan of 'Blackadder' Ill buy you a round anytime.
-'Maybe tomorrow' by The Stereophonics is my all-time favorite song
-I intend to name my first born girl Keza.
-Im a left libertarian on the political scale.
-Im a big fan of science fiction literature.
-I have no phobias and hardly any insecurities. I have achieved what the ancient Chinese used to call "oneness with the-you know-the thingy"
-I believe that all nuclear weapons on earth should be destroyed.
-Not only is MJ guilty, but OJ might as well have walked into the courtroom with bloodstained shoes.
-I hate small talk and will usually try and break the ice by saying something random or utterly weird
-I tend to tackle almost everything in life with a stupid joke.
-I think women should be equal to men in every respect and Id do the dishes in turns if I was married.
-I love cats, hate dogs.
-Im in favor of the death penalty (For some a very slow death)
-I hate most modern day rap but I enjoy a lot of the old school stuff (has anyone listened to Pharcyde?)
-I usually either like you right off or I dont. Im a first impression guy. Most people unfortunately fall in the latter category (although I dont HATE them of course, just dont like em)
-Im rubbish at choosing gifts.
-Im pro-Israeli
-I think 'The Simpsons' is the greatest thing ever put on TV.
-I know at least 100 songs by heart.

Here's to Tesi...

First of all, you are on a roll. That last post you made was amazing, and I had to scrape my jaw off the floor with a metallic implement. Good work. Im copying that format and making a post soon albeit a more incoherent version. You deserve a special award not only for your always entertaining blog, but for all those nights you kept me up giggling on messenger.
So here's to you Tesi- A special lifetime achievement award for 'like so totally rocking!'

Minzo awards 2004: Part 1

Well its been another strange year and here are the awards that matter most: The Minzo awards.
The 'Oh shit' award: Re-election of Mr Bush. (mind you, the election was a case of dumb and dumber)
The 'rant' award (for those who strive to make the world a better place through the time-honored tradition of ranting about it) Goes to Laura whose blog should have rant in the title. Seriously.
Movie of the year: 'The Incredibles'. I was having so much fun, I didnt want it to end
Song of the year: 'Millionaire' by Kellis and Andre 3000. Nods also to 'Mary' (Scissor sisters) and 'The last time' (Keane)
Scandal of the year: The gradual 'elimination' of Christmas by the PC obsessed Blair government (I like you Tony but seriously...)
Shock of the year: A close tie between Natalie Portman doing a nude scene in her new film and Marion Jones being accused of taking drugs. Is nothing sacred any more?
TV show of the year: Same as every other year 'The Simpsons'. Kudos also to 'Sopranos' for being the most gripping thing on TV. If only it had more fart jokes:)
Comedian of the year: My equity and trusts tutor Mr Smith for really making me laugh (and boo to the girl in my group who said he 'isnt playing with a full deck of cards' funny but not true!)
Alcohol-fuelled good night out award: My assault on the union with brother and two friends in early December.
Gloating with pride award of the year: Proving Tona wrong after getting a tongue-lashing about 'assuming things'.
Armageddon-is-here award: Female orangutans being used for sex in 'a thriving trade' in Indonesia according to THE DAILY MAIL.
Most inspirational TV moment of the year: Bono's speech at the Labour conference.
Saint of the year award: Raymond for being such a choir-boy and providing moral guidance to the rest of us sinners.
Part 2 coming soon.

150: part 6

1. The Drugs dont work: Verve
2. You can call me Al: Paul Simon
3. When we dance: Sting
4. Woman: John Lennon
5.Crazy: Seal
6. Do you love?: Natalie Imbruglia
7.Let's get it on: Marvin Gaye
8. Thank you: Alanis Morisette
9. Crush: Zhane
10. Streets of Philadelphia: Bruce Springsteen
11. Boderline: Madonna
12.Unpretty: TLC
13.Someday: Sugar Ray
14.Everything is everything: Lauryn Hill
15. Something good: Bic Runga

from blogging exile

Yeah, havent blogged in a while, but then again it looks like I'm not the only one. Teta blogs so rarely that you can time the arrival of the Hale-Bopp Comet by her posts.
Anyway peace and quiet now that everyone is gone. My next door neighbour is the only person still around, but I don't know him and I'm not sure I want to. People who walk by you without even glancing at you or responding to a 'hello' are not nice people. I might have misjudged the fellow, but who cares?
-Everyone is asking me if I'm bored being on my own most of the time. No.
-Poor David Blunkett has finally resigned. The fact that the country's home secretary can be brought down because he fast-tracked a visa application for his lover's nanny is almost laughable. What good are you as a politician if you cant pull any favors? Africa would be in the stone age by now if our ministers hands were tied like that! Still thats democracy for you- a Phillipino immigrant can bring down the second most powerful man in the government. Pretty mindblowing stuff. And the poor man was blind, why didnt they cut him some slack?
-Tom Wolfe, an author I really respect ('A man in full' was amazing) has won the award no respectable author ever wants to win- the Bad sex award which is basically given for the worst description of a sexual act every year. The relevant passage was this "But the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand, since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns -- oh God, it was not just at the border where the flesh of the breast joins the pectoral sheath of the chest no, the hand was cupping her entire right -- Now!" A deserved winner I have to say. That's pretty awful.
-Laura, Raymond and Tesi, I owe you about six hours of chat time.

little itsy bitsy pieces....

-The hall is empty for Christmas and call me mad, but I like it. Total peace and quiet. I'll finally be able to catch up with that ***** land law while also doing a lot of reading on the side. I just finished the Ray Bradbury classic Farenheit 451 (yeah, you know where Michael Moore got the idea for his documentary now!) about a society that doesnt tolerate books and burns them all. Very chilling. Next up is 'I am Legend' about a world overrran with vampires and with only a single untouched man on the planet trying to stay alive. Is my taste growing steadily more disturbing as I grow older?
- Ok, Blade:Trinity DID suck. Went to see it last week and it was so disappointing. Jessica Biel was hot and Ryan Reynolds was funny, but there was little else to recommend from the whole sorry mess. Dont go and see it and this is coming from a very disappointed Blade fan. And could we please, please give Dracula a rest. The man has been pulled out as the bad guy so often and each time his legacy is dragged through the mud. From a literature and film icon, he is now no more than a laughing stock. This one just might be the worst of the lot- even worse than the laughable version we saw in 'Van Helsing'

What Ron said...

Ron Aitkinson was once England's most beloved sports commentator- a former coach whose mangling of the English language was legendary and made him one of the most popular men in the country. Then one fateful day in the studio- thinking his mic was off- he called a black player "A fucking lazy thick nigger" and his world came crashing down.
What happened to Ron showed how being racist in England is met with some serious zero- tolerance. He was hounded out of his job, lost all his endorsement contracts and became no better than a leper. And this is a man who in his heyday nurtured more black soccer players than any other coach and none of them could remember him being even remotely racist. All he had to say was the 'N' word however, and everything changed.
So anyway tonight I was watching poor Mr Aitkinson try and force his way back into into society. The program was called 'What Ron said' and was basically him going all the way to the USA and back to England talking to black people and trying to discover if he was actually racist and what people thought of him. It was like a parody seeing him confront all his black-and white- critics and trying to explain himself and tell us how many black friends he has and all that stuff and we were treated to a lot of weird segments like the origins and connotations of the word 'nigger'. It was not meant to be a comedy, but it was bloody funny anyway. Thank you BBC. You've always been there for me.
But the man seriously couldnt speak English. Here are a few of the phrases that today are known as 'Ronglish' see if you can spot what's wrong with them. If you can't, you should ask yourself how you got past that stern teacher in Primary two.
-Beckenbauer has really gambled all his eggs.
-Tony Adams - he's the rock that the team has grown from.
-He sliced the ball when he had it on a plate.
-Someone in the England team will have to grab the ball by the horns.
-He's not only a good player, but he's spiteful in the nicest sense of the word
-I wouldn't say Ginola is the best left winger in the Premiership,
but there are none better.
-Well , either side could win it, or it could be a draw.
-Moreno thought that the full back was gonna come up behind and give him one really hard.( Gay joke alert)
-Zidane is not very happy, because he's suffering from the wind.

10 things to do as soon as I graduate..

10. Burn all my books in a giant and satisfying bonfire.
9. Devote myself exclusively to expanding my CD collection
8. Put some money in my phone
7. Track down those Ninjas.
6. Send an email to my equity professor for being the most bizzare lecturer ever.
5. Lie in bed all day and watch cartoons
4.Re-assure my friends that all my wisdom and advice shall be left to them in writing
3. Get a life
2. Focus on world domination, for real this time.
1.Wander around the world and get into adventures and stuff

driving to maidenhead

Me and my brother went down to maidenhead to see a friend of his who was having a get-together. What should have been a twenty minute drive became a two hour affair because we got totally lost and found ourselves heading in the opposite direction. Even getting to maidenhead didnt help matters because we couldnt find the house and just kept going round and round while my brother cursed. He gets irritable very easily while I was simply enjoying the view. In the end they had to send over some people to show us the way and only then did we finally get there when the get-together had basically already been 'got together' so to speak. Still it was fun. At the end of the evening when almost everyone had left, me and my brother had a very long and interesting discussion with an Angolan guy called Joao about Africa's problems-the how, why and what the fucks of the issues. it was very stimulating and it still amazes me how a few units of alcohol can make you suprisingly articulate.
Of course our problems were not over (you always pay for having a good time). We discovered we were running out of fuel so what happened next was a one hour drive all around the town looking for a cashpoint for my bank card which we didnt get for another hour. It was around 3.am by the way and my brother was in the mood to kill someone. Murphy's law- what can you do?

Christmas fatigue...

I dont want to sound like Scrooge but Christmas is just not really exciting me yet. Maybe its being far away from home or maybe its because of the fact that TV is trying to make us believe that unless you spend at least 500 pounds on shopping this festive season, you suck...like totally dude.
I know this is a cliche, but Christmas has become just too commercialized to be the sappy, innocent time it used to be. It has become so completely 'bastardized' that the real centerpiece of the whole season is a frenzied two week shopping spree whilst basking in the glory of capitalism and consumerism. Not that I'm cynical or anything....
Yeah happy festive season!

Christmas formal continued...

Anyway like I said I didnt go for the formal last night, but I did go down to the bar although I wasnt drinking. It was packed and everyone looked drunk and happier than a pig in shit. Met some friends and then found myself wandering from conversation to conversation which involved a lot of shouting over the loud music. The disco at the end was a step too far, although I did look in to giggle at the way people were dancing. Teta was completely nuts even though she was fairly sober. She went around screaming the new band aid song at the top of her voice and Tona was almost hiding under the bed. They hit the dance floor later, and Im sure half the fun was imitating the English inability to maintain basic rhythm. I, for one, was too busy thinking about the ninjas in Reading and what their mission is.

150: Part 5

1.Waiting for you: Seal
2. I still haven't found what I'm looking for: U2
3.Fields of Gold: Sting
4. Girl in the life magazine: Boyz II Men
5.Drops of Jupiter: Train
6. Millenium: Robbie Williams
7.All in a day: The Corrs
8. Doo wop (that thing) Lauryn Hill
9.Secret Garden: Bruce Springsteen
10. Smooth operator: Sade
11. Jesse: Joshua kadison
12.Head over heels: Tears for Fears
13.Clarity: John Mayer
14.The last time: Keane
15.Step in the name of love: R. kelly

one fine day in the middle of the night....

Well last night Liverpool finally made it, but it was close- Steven Gerrard's goal four minutes from time prevented what would have been a heartbreaking exit from the Champions League. Not to mention embarassing! I don't think teams like Olympiakos keep the top clubs up at night with worry. But dammn, what a sweet victory! I was too nervous to watch the game and I only heard the score in the middle of the night (the insomnia is getting a lot worse) and the Native-Indian style war cries must have frightened my neighbours to no end. Have you ever done a victory dance in bed? You haven't lived until you do.
But Steven Gerrard is talking about leaving and that would be an absolute tragedy. I was stunned when Michael Owen left, but Gerrard is the real heartbeat of the side and the best English player at the moment. He does the work of six men on the pitch and he does it bloody well. If he leaves, it will be the biggest tragedy to hit Liverpool and I've been with those buggers since 1999. Stay Steve! Liverpool needs you! Like seriously dude....

you might feel a slight sting....

-Listened to the new Jill Scott album. Absolutely amazing. The woman is frighteningly talented. She might as well retire now because she will NOT top this.
-To all the people knocking 'Blade'....I think hes the coolest comic book character put on screen yet and if you can think of any one better lets hear it! And dont say Spiderman. Great as both films were, Blade would have Spidey for dinner and he would ooze cool while doing it.
-As I write this, I can hear drunk people yelling outside and Im glad I didnt go for that dammn Christmas formal. Infact after my hangover on Sunday, Im not touching alcohol in a while. My friend was telling me about a debate we were having that I hardly remember (I still dont know how I ended up discussing the old TV show 'Katz and Dog' I really dont but it was that kind of night)
-I think there are Ninjas in Reading. More later....

A little girl with a torn sweater

I was just watching the making of 'Do they Know its Christmas' by an all-star cast of the British music industry. It was fascinating and moving, but the most shocking moment was when Bob Geldolf showed everyone the famous Michael Buerk BBC report that prompted the world to act 20 years ago in Ethiopia when it was shown at Live Aid 1984. In it you can see skeletal kids struggling to walk and making it for a few steps before collapsing... a mother wrapping her little dead child in something that looks like a sack and just staring at it with tears in her eyes before moving on...a child struggling to get milk from her mother who is so emanciated she cannot produce any....It's hard to picture how shocking these images are until you actually see them. Poverty is the most heart-breaking thing in the world.
I remember when I was back in Kigali over the summer holidays and I was walking to the road to catch a matatu. There was a little girl by the side of the road standing infront of a horrible-looking shack. She was wearing nothing but a torn and filthy sweater-she couldnt have been more than 6 years old- and she was crying and crying. Every inch of her was brown with dirt and it was covered in sores. And she just stood there crying and crying. I kept looking back every few seconds until she was just a speck in the horizon but she was still crying and I could still hear her. For her, life will be nothing but unrelenting misery and suffering right up until the day she dies. All over the world there are millions and millions of little boys and girls with torn dirty sweaters and skeletal frames and parents who are lucky to bring in one meal a day, never mind four. As Bono said, we can be the first generation to make poverty history. Are we up to it?

I don't need to see the trailer or read any reviews...This film had my money a long time ago!

Hey darling...

For holding my hand that night we walked together and not letting go for a second...Thank you.

Yo Ezzie,,,,

Thanks for stopping by! But I must give you the same warning I give everyone else- Your brain cells will be destroyed here. Make no mistake about that...

The entries were as good as the last time, but the best of the bunch would have to be from Lish for this gem:
"And once again, Bob the rooster found himself surprised that his affair with Farmer Ben's wife could have produced such an ugly offspring."

Stepping out

Went out last night....drunk...hangover....blahblah...It was a fantastic night though and only the fourth time I've gone out( Im not counting the Congolese nightclub thingy)
Oh yeah- watch 'The Incredibles'. Its fantastic. Better than 'Finding Nemo' and right on par with 'Shrek', probably better. It will be hard to find a better film this year.

Signs of Armageddon #450

According to 'The Daily Mail' there is a thriving sex industry for female orangutans in Indonesia. Wtf? There is a sex industry AND ITS THRIVING?? I guess I should have been suspicious when the writer mentioned that some orangutans face a "fate worse than death" at the start of the article.

So hurry up and wait (but whats worth waiting for?)

The caption contest is still open for another day so toss in any more two cents you might have before I pick the winner. I don't have time to give you details on the prize, but the words 'jack' and 'shit' figure prominently.
So anyway eating standards in our hall are getting fairly poor and food is being rationed at that. Today for dinner, they tossed some brown goo-like substance on my plate, and I waited for the cook to burst out laughing and say "He he...got you there! Im only kidding!" but she didn't even though I gave it a few seconds. Then the other lady tossed TWO small potatoes onto my plate. I stood there for a few seconds going over my options, before suddenly turning Oliver Twist and asking for more.
"Sorry- cant give you anymore" She said "These are the last we have got" She indicated the tray and shrugged apologetically.
I sat with a few friends who were all picking their way grimly through the meal. One of my friends is absolutely sure the cook hates her.
Well did you do something to piss her off? I asked
"No...she just hates me" She answered "Seriously what's her problem?"
Are you absolutely sure you played no role in making her an enemy?
She thought long and hard and then suddenly remembered an uncomfortable incident. On returning from a long day on campus, she had been confronted with a similar meal and had turned to her friend and said "What the hell is this shit?" within earshot of the cook. The look she got must have burned steel. She agreed that such an unwise course of action must have ended any hopes of a friendly relationship with the cook. In fact, there is a good chance they will now be enemies until her dying day and the cook might even be more than an innocent bystander when she does actually die for that matter.
Well the one thing you don't want to do is piss off the cook. I'm going to keep smiling sweetly and never use Charles Dickens for inspiration again.

Whats the least likely cause of death in elephants?

I'll update this later, but input would be appreciated

150 faves: Part 4

1. I just can't stop loving you: Michael Jackson
2. Run to you: Bryan Adams
3. Babylon: David Gray
4. Who will save your soul: Jewel
5. Do you love?: Natalie Imbruglia
6. Troubles: Alicia Keys
7.Boys of summer: Don Henley
8. Real world: Matchbox 20
9.Roni: Bobby Brown
10.Colours: Phil Collins
11.They say vision: Res
12.Somewhere only we know: Keane
13. Jaded: Aerosmith
14. Debout: Johnny Halliday
15.Trouble: Coldplay

Hey, here is caption contest number 2- Best Punchline wins.

An early christmas gift to myself

I got me the greatest hits Seal CD! WHOO-HOO!!!! And it's got the two new singles 'waiting for you' and 'Love's divine' so allow me to withdraw from public life for the next few hours....

Fear...

The first half of my life was defined by fear.
There was the haunted house in Makindye where I saw more apparitions than the kid in 'Sixth sense'. I don't want to get into details of the 'muzungu hand' the snake that haunted me, the ghost that appeared one night covered in a shimmering white, but it was a very scary period indeed, No doubt about it. I was also fairly scarred by catching a shocking scene in 'The Omen' one afternoon in the TV room and it haunted me all the way into my teens.
And then in Mutungo, I saw the Michael Jackson 'Thriller'video and that was yet another level of horror. I was around six and I had never seen anything that terrifying on TV at least. I also had a strange irrational fear-nay, terror-of the 'Snow Queen' when I read the abriged version one rainy evening when I had nothing to do. I wished I hadnt very soon because she was terrifying. I was almost morbidly afraid of her.
My last period of horror was when Raymond lent me 'The Nightmare on Elm Street' book when I was in P.5. I couldnt sleep for weeks, but it was the last time I felt a fear of the supernatural. A few years later I was hooked on Stephen King and any horror films I could get my hands on. I think I 'scared myself out' as a child and that only helped. For those of you who had completely normal childhoods, do you now hide under the bed scared of passing shadows? Well thats what you get for not being a scaredy-cat as a kid!